The Ultimate Tourist
I have to start with this so that I don’t sound like I didn’t enjoy our trip. Harry Potter World was awesome! How the engineering and architecture combined to create the magical world was other-worldly impressive. Wow!!! And, we’re going back and taking grown kids with us.
As one who had complained for years about how people got sucked up in the “tourista” world of theme parks with their endless marketing of gift shops and games, I had set my high bar with the mantra of “you’ll never get me in one of those places looking goofy with a sunburned nose carrying useless stuffed animals and toys.” Never say never, is one maxim I’ve come face to face with countless times. For certain this was another one. The following is my step by step transformation into the ultimate tourist.
When we got to the hotel it was discovered that I’d left my pomade for my hair back at home. I have long hair and have to have some sort of pomade, gel, or spray to keep it out of my face. So, my first transformation into the stereotypical tourist was to wear a hat. Not just any hat, mind you, but a hat with the theme park logo emblazoned across the front. Step one, complete.
I’m not good in crowds, but to experience any of the attractions and rides, one has to stand in line. Most times it was a long line. At one ride it was a 180 minute wait. My math is sometimes wonky but I worked it out to meaning 3 hours! So, did I wait? You bet I did. I was told we would love the ride once the shoulder to shoulder slow inching march to the mounting of the ride dispersed. I didn’t have a panic either, but I did get super dizzy afterwards. Step 2, complete.
Carnival games draw me like a moth to a flame. One section of the park had many unwinnable games. Simple deductions like looking at the plastic rings that are supposed to be thrown over the neck of the bottles. There’s not a 32nd of a millimeter in diameter difference to make that happen! Did it stop me? Nope! I not only tried once, but twice. Did win either time? Nope! Still, did that stop me? Nope! Off in a short distance stood the game where I knew I had a chance. The basketball game. I’ve always been a good shot, not a good basketball player, but good at getting the ball in the basket. So as a veteran hoopster it only took a second to notice that the hoops were considerably smaller than normal. Still, I had to try. Here’s is how the game went. You get three tries. Make one basket get a small stuffed animal. Make two baskets get a medium-sized stuff animal. Make three, get the giant 5 foot tall stuffed animal. Sidebar - I only brought a carry-on on the trip. How would I get this home? That wasn’t important right now. I bought the first round of basktballs. First shot - nope, second shot - yes! Third shot - nope. Winner - one small useless stuffed animal. I buy another round. First shot - Yes! Second shot - nope. Third shot - Yes! OK, a larger stuffed animal! Alright, alright! This is it, one more round. First shot, Yes, Second shot - Yes! Thirds shot… nope. Winner of another medium-sized stuffed animal. I can’t quit now. One more round! Needless to say I didn’t win the grand prize giant stuffed animal but I took home six stuffed animal that I managed to stuff into one very packed carry-on bag. Step 3, complete. Can’t wait to return next year!
